Christians are straight up FREAKS
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
