I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Couch. On fire.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
