I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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