After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
