hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
