I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
