Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
