I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
