True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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