i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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