dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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