is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
