So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
