she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
