4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
