It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
