Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
