D3 body, D1 cock
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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