Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
