life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
