I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
