what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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