Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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