A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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