you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
