I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
