epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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