it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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