You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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