I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have tasted many bathrooms
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
