K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
