How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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