People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
