NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why do cheetos always look like penises
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
