I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
