My first STD was from a foam party
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
