just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize