Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
