I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
