So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
