i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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