Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
