I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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