I should be sponsored by Trojan
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
