i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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