this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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