Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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