It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
