me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
