I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
