she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
