there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
