I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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