a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
