I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she told me i tasted like america
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
