You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
