I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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