Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
