Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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