Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
