ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
