My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
