you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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