I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
