vagina is talking i cant
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
