There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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