i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
