did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
