ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize