Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
dude. I can hear the air.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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