I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
